Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
