i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
