I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I use my feet as sexual weapons
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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