yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
