It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
