Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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