He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
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