i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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