He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
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Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
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He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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