I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
