I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
