That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
