Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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