The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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