FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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