dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
ugly people sure do ruin things
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
