I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
