She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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