Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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