LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
