i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
