What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Michael Bay diarrhea
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
