I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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