I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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