i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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