the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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