I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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