I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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