apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
