If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
