Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
