Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
