i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
