broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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