I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
