the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
