oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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