You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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