i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
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This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
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In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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