Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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