He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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