that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
