Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
