I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
