guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
