is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
