So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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