Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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