i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
my being single is dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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