That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
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