i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
