I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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