we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
How does one acquire holy water?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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