Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
