We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
