Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I need a beard to bite.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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