Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
