My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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