she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
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You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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