i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
