I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
