But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize