If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
