Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
