exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
