I'm going to jail i love you
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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