just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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