i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
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I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
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I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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