Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
