i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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