He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He better not be in your backpack
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
