Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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