No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's never too late to be topless.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
