I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
