I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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