I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
