i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
