1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
