I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I came so hard my ears popped.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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