we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
