Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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