my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
