The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
