last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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