ya dads aren't the best wingmen
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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