nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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