btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
50% drunk capacity currently
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize