So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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